I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize