Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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