I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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