Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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