My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize