Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
