Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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