I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
