I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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