Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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