I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
