dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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