between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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