i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
