I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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