I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
