It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize