hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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