i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
then he tried to convert me to islam
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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