I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
