for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
