I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
