It's just like the Real World with babies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
