he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
