So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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