i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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