this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
