i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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