Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize