he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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