Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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