Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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