so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
