just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
