I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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