That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The adults are the big ones right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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