Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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