perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
