sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
