Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
