She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
