Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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