No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
