Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
