Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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