Someone shit on the floor
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
