Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
