i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just gargled with NyQuil
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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