I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
