Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
