Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
