If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
