I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do vagina's smell?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
