girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
