somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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