im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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