I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize