I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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