What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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