You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
