Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
