i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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