I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize