Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
