I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
