i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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