dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
