he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
