Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
