North Korea, Best Korea!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
