i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
