he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
