I wish I could punch you in the face.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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