Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
