it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
